Have you guys seen this video? It's actually pretty awesome. To see such genuine excitement come from an 11 year old finding out he's about to become a big brother is rather touching.
I, myself, am a big brother and quite honestly, at 11 years old, I didn't understand just how important of a position it was. But, it certainly changes you. You can tell by watching that video that this kid is going to try his damnedest to be the best big brother he can be. And, to be totally honest, it won't be easy.
I was only 3 years old when I found out I was going to become a big brother. I can't for the life of me remember being told or even remember him being born, but in my defense, I don't remember what I ate for dinner 20 minutes ago(statistically speaking it was probably a chicken finger). What I do remember is we hated each other's guts.
Alright, maybe we didn't hate each other, but at that age we both probably thought we did. We were at each other's throats most of the time. And I can hear everyone's thoughts now; "Brother's fight. That's part of growing up." Valid point. But when we fought, we fucking fought. Punching, kicking, biting, more nut shots than I care to think about. Hell, sometimes legitimate weaponry.
It's easy to mistake other feelings for hate. In my case, even though I may have thought I hated him when we were younger, I didn't. I love my brother and I know he does, and did, love me. Looking back now at almost 28 years old I realize that my anger towards him came from jealousy. The truth is, as a big brother, you want nothing more than for your little brother to look up to you. You want him to think your a god. I don't remember ever getting that feeling from him. In fact, if anything, I thought I was living in his shadow. And that's a hard pill to swallow. So, I started being kind of a dick to him. There are very few days in our childhood that didn't involve someone crying; It was either me, him, or my mother(who is a saint and never gave up on either of us). We broke bones, broke furniture, and he even put me through a wall once. And this was all well before either one of us were teenagers.
I think it was sometime in high school that I stopped caring. I had this mentality that I didn't need him and he didn't need me. At the same, I noticed him trying more and more to hang out with me and my friends. But I rarely gave him the time of day. Maybe I had that teenage "I'm too cool for you" attitude. My mom and dad kept pushing for me to invite him along and I never would. I remember thinking, "These are my friends. Let him get his own."
When we both were old enough to drink alcohol(or shall we say thought we were old enough to drink alcohol), that's when things started picking up the intensity. Alcohol has tendency to bring out the truth and I don't think either one of us were ready to hear it from the other. I can remember one night pretty vividly. It was after my aunt's wedding and I had to leave early because I had to work the next day. I got home and went to bed and my brother started calling me later that night. He was trying to get a laugh from the people with him, but I didn't see the humor in it. I was pissed. So when he got home, I charged at him. He was a little tipsy, and shoved him as hard as I could, knocking him over. I don't remember too many of the words exchanged, but I do remember saying this; "You're a piece of shit and that's all you'll ever be."
(First of all, when someone is angry, they tend to try to say the meanest thing they can think of at that moment. I don't think my brother is a "piece of shit" at all. But, I was mad and wanted him to know it. Secondly, because of what I said, I don't blame him at all for what happened next...)
My brother has a temper. And when he's mad, God help anyone around him. After I shoved him and said what I said, I turned around and headed back towards my bedroom. Unfortunately, my brother got up. I just remember hearing the stomping foot steps and then I turned around and--WHAM!--I took a fist right upside the head. I think I fell into something, too, because I had a chunk missing from my head and blood pouring everywhere. At this point, my mother took off in a fit, and my dad jumped in between us. We yelled some more and said some stupid shit to each other. I went in the kitchen to try and stop my head from bleeding and my father tended to my brother in the living room. I was still pissed, so as soon as I saw the attention turn away from me, I jumped in my car and took off.
I ended up driving about 20 minutes to a camp that my parents own on a small lake. I thought I could just sleep there for the night, go to work the next day, and just cool off. Well, my mother and I must think alike because as soon as I pulled in the driveway, she was there. We had a LONG conversation that night that was way to emotional to even begin sharing until we both decided it was time to just sleep. Lying in bed, I got a text from my dad asking if I was ok, and I told him I was fine and so was mom and not to worry. About an hour later(about 2 in the morning, mind you) I got another text message; from my brother. He apologized, and so did I. And for the first time that I can remember, he told me he loved me. I told him I loved him too. And, just like that, the fighting was over.
The funny thing about this story is, that's the last time I remember really fighting with my brother. It's been probably 4 years since, and our relationship, I think, is even better. And you could sort of feel it the very next day. We both may have been tired and hungover, but when I got back from work that day, the whole family was at the camp and we spent all day on the lake. Like nothing had even happened. My guess is that last fight got everything out of our system that had been building for years.
Today, I honestly cherish my relationship with my little brother. We both moved out of our parents house and are now neighbors. We visit from time to time and have a beer or two together and things seem really good. Sure, we still have arguments, but nothing like before. I love my brother and would defend him to the end of the earth.
Because of our relationship, I've always been drawn to the way the media portrays relationships in movies and TV. I think that must be why Thor was my favorite one of the Avengers(insert Tony C. fart noise here). That movie, and especially the sequel(Thor: The Dark World), was driven by the relationship existing between Thor and Loki; Two brothers who are completely opposite, but seem to want nothing more that for the other to see them as great. And if you want to see an amazing movie, go buy or rent Warrior starring Joel Edgerton and Tom Hardy. The way these two present their relationship as brothers in this movie has always stuck with me. It was so real to me because I felt like I had experienced what they had experienced(maybe not quite to the extreme that they had, but you get the idea). And Nick Nolte just killed it as their father. It was truly amazing. Perhaps my favorite movie.
So to this young man, I wish you the best of luck. You will undoubtedly be a great big brother. Just always remember you love each other and never give up.
And, to my brother, I love you. Come have a beer.
-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com
"I'm sorry, Tommy! I'm sorry... Tap, Tommy! It's OK! It's OK! I Love You! I Love You Tommy!"
-Brendan Conlon in Warrior
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