I miss feeling excited about things. The older you get, the more it seems like everything loses that "something special" that made you look forward to it whenever it happened. Like Christmas. When you're young, you count down the days until Christmas with that overpowering curiosity of what St. Nick will give you this year. But as a 28 year old single man with no kids, I just realized today that Christmas is already next week. I do love Christmas; the food, the gatherings. It truly is a wonderful day and I have no doubt that I will enjoy every second of it alongside my friends and family. But that feeling of excitement I used to get shortly after my October birthday knowing that Christmas was a mere two months away has been absent for years.
When you're a kid, you get excited about the simplest things. I remember being so excited to go to a Chinese food restaurant because that meant I got read my Chinese animal zodiac on the place mat. Or going to visit my great-grandmother at the end of the street because she always had a bowl of those strawberry flavored hard candies in the back room of her house. Even in high school, I'd get excited to go to a certain class because maybe the hot girl, who I had a crush on, would say "hi" to me again like she did last Tuesday.
I recently ended a relationship with someone who essentially told me I lack ambition. I took it to heart--as I do most things that are even remotely critical of my way of life--and tried my best to defend myself. But since then I've been asking myself what I want to do with my life almost daily and I still can't answer it.
I'm not a parent. And, in all honesty, I may never become one. However, I am surrounded by parents so I've seen my fair share of parenting styles. The one common trend I see within most of these styles is that every parent tells their kids they can be anything they want to be when they grow up. It is a parents' job to insure their children that their future is bright and free of sadness or harm. If I had kids, I would do the same thing; give them hope. Because every child deserves to believe that they can accomplish whatever they want and be excited about the future that's in front of them. My parents told me I could be anything and I believed them. And I was so excited for my future. I was going to be a professional wrestler, or a comedian, or the drummer of a rock band. I miss that feeling. That feeling of knowing that your future is ahead of you and it's a bright one.
I believe that most people at one point in their lives have to give up on some dreams. I mean, let's face it; some kids want to grow up to be Batman and I've yet to see a single person strolling down the streets with a rubber suit and a utility belt. I do worry that I gave up on my dreams too early and now it's too late to do what makes me happy. And, I don't even know what it is that would make me happy anymore.
I get made fun of quite a bit for acting like an old man, but the truth is I feel like I don't have all that much time left to figure out what I want. And, I worry that by the time I do figure out what I want, it'll be too late.
What do I want to be when I grow up? I don't know.
-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Entry #2
I used to skip classes quite a bit when I was in the eighth grade. It was common knowledge amongst the teachers that I had some stomach issues. So on several different occasions, I would simply tell the teacher I didn't feel good and I'd get to go to the nurse's office. The nurse had a little couch to lay on and I would just stay there until I felt like going back. I never really was that sick. I just didn't want to go to class. I think the nurse eventually picked up on it because she started calling my mom every time I would come in. And, when my mom got involved, I needed to come up with a new plan.
Eventually I came up with the brilliant idea that I would just skip my class without talking to the teacher first and just tell them if I saw them later that day that I was in the nurse's office with a tummy ache. This way, I could still use my "illness" to get out of class and I wouldn't have to worry about the nurse calling my mom. The only thing I needed to figure out was where to hide. I couldn't just roam the halls and hope no one noticed me or be the only kid out on the playground while all the other kids were learning about the different biological classifications(which, by the way, I still know to this day--kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, species. SUCK IT!). So I had to think of a place that no one would check up on me or question why I was there. Then it came to me; The bathroom.
Whenever a class would come up with a teacher I didn't like or there was a test that I didn't study for, I'd just go sit in a stall in the boy's bathroom for 30 minutes, or however long the class was. It went on for most of the trimester. That is until progress reports came out and I had a solid 7.2 out of 100 in my language arts class. Plus, teachers started questioning each other as to where I was and even pulled me out of other classes to make up tests I missed. I think the big kicker came when the only classes I seem to be attending without a stomach ache were Art and Band. So, needless to say, I stopped skipping.
I often wonder, though, if that's why I find such comfort in the bathroom today. I mean, look at me. I'm writing a blog from my toilet because it's the only place I can comfortably consider sitting down and writing it. Maybe it's because when I'm here, I don't feel like I have worry about the stresses of the world. I know nobody is going to barge in and start demanding something. I don't have to worry about anything(unless I'm constipated or something, but that hasn't been an issue yet).
In eighth grade, the bathroom was my safety zone. And perhaps, subconsciously, I still relate sitting on the toilet to being free of worry...
**Flush**
-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com
Eventually I came up with the brilliant idea that I would just skip my class without talking to the teacher first and just tell them if I saw them later that day that I was in the nurse's office with a tummy ache. This way, I could still use my "illness" to get out of class and I wouldn't have to worry about the nurse calling my mom. The only thing I needed to figure out was where to hide. I couldn't just roam the halls and hope no one noticed me or be the only kid out on the playground while all the other kids were learning about the different biological classifications(which, by the way, I still know to this day--kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, species. SUCK IT!). So I had to think of a place that no one would check up on me or question why I was there. Then it came to me; The bathroom.
Whenever a class would come up with a teacher I didn't like or there was a test that I didn't study for, I'd just go sit in a stall in the boy's bathroom for 30 minutes, or however long the class was. It went on for most of the trimester. That is until progress reports came out and I had a solid 7.2 out of 100 in my language arts class. Plus, teachers started questioning each other as to where I was and even pulled me out of other classes to make up tests I missed. I think the big kicker came when the only classes I seem to be attending without a stomach ache were Art and Band. So, needless to say, I stopped skipping.
I often wonder, though, if that's why I find such comfort in the bathroom today. I mean, look at me. I'm writing a blog from my toilet because it's the only place I can comfortably consider sitting down and writing it. Maybe it's because when I'm here, I don't feel like I have worry about the stresses of the world. I know nobody is going to barge in and start demanding something. I don't have to worry about anything(unless I'm constipated or something, but that hasn't been an issue yet).
In eighth grade, the bathroom was my safety zone. And perhaps, subconsciously, I still relate sitting on the toilet to being free of worry...
**Flush**
-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Entry #1
Time is an incredibly wonderful, yet nauseatingly awful part of all of our lives. Some of us are blessed with an abundance of time, while other people's "to-do list" only gets longer as time races by like a cheetah on the hunt. Where does it go? And, why do we never have enough?
I find myself, these days, looking for the time to do the things I want, but only finding the time to do the things I need. That's not meant to be a complaint. It's more of an observation. I'd like to be able to record a podcast every weekend or write a blogpost once a week, but before I know it I'm consumed with things that are deemed "more important", when in my heart of hearts I'd rather be drinking an ice cold beer with Ben Lizzotte and Tony C. And, I'd put money on those two having the same dilemma. Should I sit down for an hour and laugh at butthole jokes while drinking beer with my buddies or should I sit down and balance my checkbook to make sure I can pay all the bills this month over a glass of chardonnay?
I feel it's important to make time for yourself. This blog is more than just me trying to be funny and getting people to read my writing; It's therapy. But, if in my mind I view it as a job that has to be done every Sunday night, I'm not going to do it. So, when do I make time to write?
It dawned on me a couple of weeks ago that the majority of the time, I come up with things I'd like to write about while sitting on the toilet. Because when I'm perched upon my throne, paying homage to the porcelain gods below, I have all of the time in the world. I'm not hurrying to get it done, I'm not thinking about everything else I have to do, I'm simply relaxing and letting my mind wander through any topic it wants.
**Pause for courtesy flush**
I feel like I should point out that this blog, which is being rebranded as "The Diarrhea Diaries", is not meant to be about poop. I mean, when you think about it, other than color, consistency, and that blissful feeling of relief that comes with dropping a deuce, what else is there really to talk about? Simply put, this blog is now being written entirely from my toilet. That may disgust some people, but I don't really care. This is my therapy and I'll do things my way. Plus, I once read an exhilarating book that informed me that everyone poops. So, it's not that weird to talk about.
As I sit here, I will write everything that crosses my mind on my yellow legal pad and transcribe it all onto my computer. Granted, pooping may come up from time to time, but let's be adults about it. Sometimes while I do my business, I think about TV and movies, other times I think about life in general. Like I said, when I'm here doing the do(do), my mind is free and clear to wander and anything else can wait.
Drink'n Think'n appears to be back in full swing, so we hope to have new content for our "fans" every week and so long as I don't run out of paper...
**Got nervous and double-checked to make sure there was toilet paper. There was.**
... I should have new blog material hopefully every weekend(Let me be clear that I do use the bathroom more than once every weekend, but let's be realistic. Not all my thoughts while "on the job" are keepers).
Here's to finding time. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time to wipe...
-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com
I find myself, these days, looking for the time to do the things I want, but only finding the time to do the things I need. That's not meant to be a complaint. It's more of an observation. I'd like to be able to record a podcast every weekend or write a blogpost once a week, but before I know it I'm consumed with things that are deemed "more important", when in my heart of hearts I'd rather be drinking an ice cold beer with Ben Lizzotte and Tony C. And, I'd put money on those two having the same dilemma. Should I sit down for an hour and laugh at butthole jokes while drinking beer with my buddies or should I sit down and balance my checkbook to make sure I can pay all the bills this month over a glass of chardonnay?
I feel it's important to make time for yourself. This blog is more than just me trying to be funny and getting people to read my writing; It's therapy. But, if in my mind I view it as a job that has to be done every Sunday night, I'm not going to do it. So, when do I make time to write?
It dawned on me a couple of weeks ago that the majority of the time, I come up with things I'd like to write about while sitting on the toilet. Because when I'm perched upon my throne, paying homage to the porcelain gods below, I have all of the time in the world. I'm not hurrying to get it done, I'm not thinking about everything else I have to do, I'm simply relaxing and letting my mind wander through any topic it wants.
**Pause for courtesy flush**
I feel like I should point out that this blog, which is being rebranded as "The Diarrhea Diaries", is not meant to be about poop. I mean, when you think about it, other than color, consistency, and that blissful feeling of relief that comes with dropping a deuce, what else is there really to talk about? Simply put, this blog is now being written entirely from my toilet. That may disgust some people, but I don't really care. This is my therapy and I'll do things my way. Plus, I once read an exhilarating book that informed me that everyone poops. So, it's not that weird to talk about.
As I sit here, I will write everything that crosses my mind on my yellow legal pad and transcribe it all onto my computer. Granted, pooping may come up from time to time, but let's be adults about it. Sometimes while I do my business, I think about TV and movies, other times I think about life in general. Like I said, when I'm here doing the do(do), my mind is free and clear to wander and anything else can wait.
Drink'n Think'n appears to be back in full swing, so we hope to have new content for our "fans" every week and so long as I don't run out of paper...
**Got nervous and double-checked to make sure there was toilet paper. There was.**
... I should have new blog material hopefully every weekend(Let me be clear that I do use the bathroom more than once every weekend, but let's be realistic. Not all my thoughts while "on the job" are keepers).
Here's to finding time. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time to wipe...
-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Blogpost #6 - Girl Meets World Premiere
I wanted to write a quick response to last night's premiere of the much anticipated(at least by me) spin off of Boy Meets World, Girl Meets World.
Truth be told, there is somewhat of a nostalgic feel to the show that stems from the original. You can very much tell that the creators are trying to remain true to the original's feeling. However, I still get that Hannah Montana, Disney vibe that I'm not a huge fan of.
** Side note; I'm just now realizing that I'm a 28 year old male, who has been patiently waiting for the premiere of a Disney TV show called Girl Meets World. And, I'm blogging about it the next day after having consumed a few alcoholic beverages. I may hate myself a little. Let's continue... **
The characters are very similar and even the opening episode carries plot points that we saw in the original series. You have Riley, who is a little nerdy and awkward around the opposite sex and you have Maya, who is a trouble youth, possibly someone who will get Riley into a lot of trouble throughout the series, and it was hinted at that she has family issues. Basically, you have a female Cory and Shawn.
In an interesting move, Cory is now a teacher and teaches Riley's class. So I guess, Cory has officially become the new Mr. Feeny(more on Feeny to come).
One of my biggest gripes was that they used the word "world" and awful lot in the first episode. Cory made a big speech about how it's his world and someday it will be Riley's world, but Riley needs to make it her world, and Cory has already met the world, so now it's time for Riley to meet the world. World, world, world.
I think the show will survive a while. It seems to be a good fit for the current Disney line up(not that I've ever watched anything on Disney in the past 10 years) and the show will undoubtedly convey a good message while making kids laugh. As far as for the Boy Meets World fans, I think some will watch just for the cameos. You've already got the familiar Cory and Topanga who seem to be about the same only a little more mature, there are rumors of cameos from Eric and Shawn later on, Minkus was advertised for an upcoming episode as the father of one of Cory's students, and of course, the greatest moment of all...
"Well done, Mr. Matthews."
Mr. Feeny was in Episode 1. And the above line was all it took to keep my hooked for at least the time being.
Give it chance, I say. And if it sucks, go buy the complete series of Boy Meets World on DVD and start over.
-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com
"That's just what I want - to be Topanga's boyfriend. And then we can name our children Chewbacca and Plankton."
-Cory from Boy Meets World
Truth be told, there is somewhat of a nostalgic feel to the show that stems from the original. You can very much tell that the creators are trying to remain true to the original's feeling. However, I still get that Hannah Montana, Disney vibe that I'm not a huge fan of.
** Side note; I'm just now realizing that I'm a 28 year old male, who has been patiently waiting for the premiere of a Disney TV show called Girl Meets World. And, I'm blogging about it the next day after having consumed a few alcoholic beverages. I may hate myself a little. Let's continue... **
The characters are very similar and even the opening episode carries plot points that we saw in the original series. You have Riley, who is a little nerdy and awkward around the opposite sex and you have Maya, who is a trouble youth, possibly someone who will get Riley into a lot of trouble throughout the series, and it was hinted at that she has family issues. Basically, you have a female Cory and Shawn.
In an interesting move, Cory is now a teacher and teaches Riley's class. So I guess, Cory has officially become the new Mr. Feeny(more on Feeny to come).
One of my biggest gripes was that they used the word "world" and awful lot in the first episode. Cory made a big speech about how it's his world and someday it will be Riley's world, but Riley needs to make it her world, and Cory has already met the world, so now it's time for Riley to meet the world. World, world, world.
I think the show will survive a while. It seems to be a good fit for the current Disney line up(not that I've ever watched anything on Disney in the past 10 years) and the show will undoubtedly convey a good message while making kids laugh. As far as for the Boy Meets World fans, I think some will watch just for the cameos. You've already got the familiar Cory and Topanga who seem to be about the same only a little more mature, there are rumors of cameos from Eric and Shawn later on, Minkus was advertised for an upcoming episode as the father of one of Cory's students, and of course, the greatest moment of all...
"Well done, Mr. Matthews."
Mr. Feeny was in Episode 1. And the above line was all it took to keep my hooked for at least the time being.
Give it chance, I say. And if it sucks, go buy the complete series of Boy Meets World on DVD and start over.
-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com
"That's just what I want - to be Topanga's boyfriend. And then we can name our children Chewbacca and Plankton."
-Cory from Boy Meets World
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Blogpost #5 - When I Grow Up 2: The Secret of the Ooze
My last post was somewhat of a far fetched bucket list of things I wanted to accomplish in my life at various different ages and stages(watch your back Dr. Seuss). But, the truth is, all those ideas were real to me at one point. I can honestly remember having those thoughts as a younger person and thinking the world was my oyster. Why can't I be a Ninja Turtle? I've got the body type for it, I look like an oversized turtle. My karate skills might need some work(I'm probably some sort of citrus colored belt if I had to guess), but I could totally do it. Why can't I be a professional wrestler? Mick Foley isn't a jacked up genetic freak and he was one of the greatest of all time. And, why can't I be a comedic actor? I'm funny. I make people laugh(my mom always told me they were laughing with me, not at me).
Here I am. Almost 28 years old and still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. The sad thing is, I still want to be all those things I wanted to be when I was 8. I may have grown up (and out) physically, but mentally, I'm still an 8 year old kid who wants to fight bad guys and be a superhero.
I thought the older I got, the more realistic my goals would get, but that's not really the case. Yes, I realize it is physically impossible for me to be a Ninja Turtle. I get it. But can you honestly look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn't want to be one?
Let's look at reality; I have a job. I have a house payment and various other bills and I'm able to pay for all these things because of my job. I am unbelievably grateful for that and I thank God for all that I have. But there's this piece of me that yearns for something different. I've lost that sense of feeling like anything is possible.
I lay in bed every morning for about 15 minutes dreading the thought of getting up and going to work. Thinking that there has to be something else for me to do in the world. "What I'd really like to do is something extraordinary. Something big. Something mega. Something copious. Something capacious. Something cajunga!"
I was watching a documentary with dad tonight on the Russian Yeti on the Discovery channel. For a minute, I went right back to my 8 year frame of mind. I thought, how cool would it be to become a professional Yeti hunter? I could quit my job, sell my house, invest in various different cameras and equipment for locating this mysterious beast, buy some weaponry to protect myself and just travel to all the locations where there have been supposed Yeti sightings. I could be like the Bear Grylls of mythical creatures, surviving the snowy tundras as I search for what has never been found. But once the documentary was over, I realized it was getting late and I should probably go home and go to bed so I'm not cranky at work tomorrow.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't see anything wrong with having dreams that other people deem impossible. I don't care what people say. Some day, I will be a Ninja Turtle.
-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com
"Every day I come by your house and I pick you up. And we go out. We have a few drinks, and a few laughs, and it's great. But you know what the best part of my day is? For about ten seconds, from when I pull up to the curb and when I get to your door, 'cause I think, maybe I'll get up there and I'll knock on the door and you won't be there. No goodbye. No see you later. No nothing. You just left. I don't know much, but I know that."
-Chuckie from Good Will Hunting
Here I am. Almost 28 years old and still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. The sad thing is, I still want to be all those things I wanted to be when I was 8. I may have grown up (and out) physically, but mentally, I'm still an 8 year old kid who wants to fight bad guys and be a superhero.
I thought the older I got, the more realistic my goals would get, but that's not really the case. Yes, I realize it is physically impossible for me to be a Ninja Turtle. I get it. But can you honestly look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn't want to be one?
Let's look at reality; I have a job. I have a house payment and various other bills and I'm able to pay for all these things because of my job. I am unbelievably grateful for that and I thank God for all that I have. But there's this piece of me that yearns for something different. I've lost that sense of feeling like anything is possible.
I lay in bed every morning for about 15 minutes dreading the thought of getting up and going to work. Thinking that there has to be something else for me to do in the world. "What I'd really like to do is something extraordinary. Something big. Something mega. Something copious. Something capacious. Something cajunga!"
I was watching a documentary with dad tonight on the Russian Yeti on the Discovery channel. For a minute, I went right back to my 8 year frame of mind. I thought, how cool would it be to become a professional Yeti hunter? I could quit my job, sell my house, invest in various different cameras and equipment for locating this mysterious beast, buy some weaponry to protect myself and just travel to all the locations where there have been supposed Yeti sightings. I could be like the Bear Grylls of mythical creatures, surviving the snowy tundras as I search for what has never been found. But once the documentary was over, I realized it was getting late and I should probably go home and go to bed so I'm not cranky at work tomorrow.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't see anything wrong with having dreams that other people deem impossible. I don't care what people say. Some day, I will be a Ninja Turtle.
-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com
"Every day I come by your house and I pick you up. And we go out. We have a few drinks, and a few laughs, and it's great. But you know what the best part of my day is? For about ten seconds, from when I pull up to the curb and when I get to your door, 'cause I think, maybe I'll get up there and I'll knock on the door and you won't be there. No goodbye. No see you later. No nothing. You just left. I don't know much, but I know that."
-Chuckie from Good Will Hunting
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Blogpost #4 - When I Grow Up...
My name is Ryan Poland, but you probably know me by my ring name Jason White. During college, I trained at the Wild Samoan Training Center in Florida under the tutelage of Afa, the Wild Samoan. At 22 years old, I made my debut on WWE Smackdown in 2008 in a dark match against Mark Henry. It was what you would call a "squash match". I got my ass handed to me on a silver platter. 4 months later, I made my live television debut in a match against Christian. I lost that match as well, but I at least got some offensive moves in. The match lasted 12 minutes. Week after week, I had match after match. At first, losing most. But then I won one match. And then two. And before I knew it I was on a winning streak. Fast forward another year, I'm the Intercontinental Champion. And the crowd seems to like me. I worked a program with Chris Jericho in 2009 and had some of my favorite matches. Ultimately, he beat me for the title. But that was fine. I wanted bigger. I challenged Randy Orton for the WWE Championship. He turned me down at first, so I had to play some head games. In the end, we had a match at Summer Slam and I won my first WWE Championship. But that wasn't my crowning achievement. At Wrestlemania 19, I squared off against a man whom I idolized; Stone Cole Steve Austin. We went 30 minutes in what was said to be one of the greatest Wrestlemania matches of all time. And, I won. Nobody knew, including me, that this would be Stone Cold's last match in WWE. It was an honor...
No wait, I got it now...
My name is Ryan Poland, but you probably know me by James Ryan. I got my start doing 5 minute stand-up sets at local open mic nights. A few laughs here and there, but nothing really to brag about. After college, I moved to LA. I started showing up at the Improv just hoping someone would no-show and give me the opportunity to perform. One summer night, I got my wish. It was brutal. I was booed off stage faster than anyone in history. But I stayed and watched all the other acts perform, hoping to learn something. I studied everyone that stood on that stage and got a laugh. And I kept going back night after night until finally, another no-show. The manager was pretty hesitant to put me on stage again, but his back was up against a wall. He told me this was my last chance. One "boo", and I was out for good. I went up there and killed. I thought one guy in the front row was going to have a heart attack from laughing so hard. I became a regular there, performing 15 to 20 minutes almost every night. Then, I got offered my first comedy role in a movie. A small part, but definitely good exposure. Next thing I know, I'm the lead in a comedy movie. I'm starring in movies alongside guys like Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler. But I still wanted to expand my resumé. I tried my hand at a dramatic picture. My fans were a little thrown by it, but ultimately, I was happy with the outcome. So I tried it again and blew the minds of everyone. I got the call the very next week. I had been nominated for an Oscar.
Hold it, let's try this...
My name is Raphael. I am cool, but rude. I spend my nights protecting the city with my three brothers and I spend the days training with my father, who technically isn't really my father. He's more like a mentor. I don't handle authority well. I've gotten my brothers and my friend April into numerous tight spots due to my hot temper, but we always end up ok. My father seems to think that society won't accept us, but April seems to like us. And so does our buddy, Casey. I am a master in the art of ninja. The only way you can see me, is if I want you to see me. I live in an old subway station underground that we found one day while walking through the sewers. It's an alright place, but the pizza delivery guy has a hard time finding it. I've battle more Foot soldiers than I care to remember, but it was Oroku Saki who was the real threat. And we took him out, too. Old Shred' did a swan dive, with a half gainer, right into the back of a garbage truck. There will be more threats, no doubt. But, we'll be ready for them. We always are.
One of these should work.
-Ryan
www.drinknthink.com
"What we do in life echoes in eternity."
-Maximus from Gladiator
No wait, I got it now...
My name is Ryan Poland, but you probably know me by James Ryan. I got my start doing 5 minute stand-up sets at local open mic nights. A few laughs here and there, but nothing really to brag about. After college, I moved to LA. I started showing up at the Improv just hoping someone would no-show and give me the opportunity to perform. One summer night, I got my wish. It was brutal. I was booed off stage faster than anyone in history. But I stayed and watched all the other acts perform, hoping to learn something. I studied everyone that stood on that stage and got a laugh. And I kept going back night after night until finally, another no-show. The manager was pretty hesitant to put me on stage again, but his back was up against a wall. He told me this was my last chance. One "boo", and I was out for good. I went up there and killed. I thought one guy in the front row was going to have a heart attack from laughing so hard. I became a regular there, performing 15 to 20 minutes almost every night. Then, I got offered my first comedy role in a movie. A small part, but definitely good exposure. Next thing I know, I'm the lead in a comedy movie. I'm starring in movies alongside guys like Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler. But I still wanted to expand my resumé. I tried my hand at a dramatic picture. My fans were a little thrown by it, but ultimately, I was happy with the outcome. So I tried it again and blew the minds of everyone. I got the call the very next week. I had been nominated for an Oscar.
Hold it, let's try this...
My name is Raphael. I am cool, but rude. I spend my nights protecting the city with my three brothers and I spend the days training with my father, who technically isn't really my father. He's more like a mentor. I don't handle authority well. I've gotten my brothers and my friend April into numerous tight spots due to my hot temper, but we always end up ok. My father seems to think that society won't accept us, but April seems to like us. And so does our buddy, Casey. I am a master in the art of ninja. The only way you can see me, is if I want you to see me. I live in an old subway station underground that we found one day while walking through the sewers. It's an alright place, but the pizza delivery guy has a hard time finding it. I've battle more Foot soldiers than I care to remember, but it was Oroku Saki who was the real threat. And we took him out, too. Old Shred' did a swan dive, with a half gainer, right into the back of a garbage truck. There will be more threats, no doubt. But, we'll be ready for them. We always are.
One of these should work.
-Ryan
www.drinknthink.com
"What we do in life echoes in eternity."
-Maximus from Gladiator
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Blogpost #3 - TMNT
We are in the era of remakes and reboots and sequels(oh my), and nothing is sacred to these makers of movies. Well, let me tell you something; The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are fucking sacred.
Let me be clear; I'm not one of those people that gets all pissy and hates it when something I liked as a child gets remade. I actually quite enjoy it. I was excited when the new Nightmare on Elm Street came out(although a tad disappointed with the end result) and I actually think it's a great time to remake a lot of these older horror movies because of how far technology has come. And, when something you love gets remade, it bring back all those memories and nostalgia.
I can't tell you how many VHS tapes I have of the Ninja Turtles that are worn down because of how many times I've watched them. It's embarrassing how many action figures(not dolls) I have of those heroes in a half shell that I absolutely refuse to throw away(yes, I'm 27 years old). I was, and always will be, a huge TMNT fan.
I remember when the most recent animated movie came out in 2007. I was in college and went to see it with my roommate. And, I must admit, I quite enjoyed it. I mean, it was nothing compared to the live action, animatronic creatures from the Jim Henson workshop or the crappily animated series I watched as a kid where sometimes the color of the bandanas were wrong on the turtles and sometimes the talking didn't match with their mouths, but it was definitely a good movie.
When Nickelodeon started airing the new animated series, I got a bit nervous. I would probably compare the feeling I had to when Disney started making new episodes of "Doug". It was like a small morsel of excitement covered in creamy nervousness. Because the one thing you never want to see is something that meant so much to you as a child ruined for a new generation. And then today, this gem was birthed out onto the internet...
I haven't seen the movie yet so therefore I haven't made up my mind, but I am severely worried. The trailer leaves a lot to be desired and it looks as though it truly will be an entirely new crime fighting foursome(ew) than the one I'm used to. Honestly, I don't mind change when it comes to stuff like this(except for that whole alien nonsense that we all read about when the film was first discussed). It appears as though the Shredder, played by William Fichtner(whom I actually like, by the way) is somewhat responsible for the, shall we say, creation of the turtles. I don't mind this tweak. If anything, it gives the Shredder more motive to become the bad guy. I'm still not sure how I feel about him not being Japanese, but we'll see how it goes.
In another odd twist, the Shredder used to work with the father of April O'Neil(every time I hear this name all I can think of is the very racist sounding foot soldier from the original movie referring to her as Ms. O'Neir). This too is okay with me. These two changes I think should tie the story together nicely.
Their new look? Meh, I'm still not sure. Megan Fox as April? Meh, I'm not sold on it. Also, no Splinter in the trailer? This intrigues(yet still worries) me.
The trailer has it's ups and downs and unfortunately I'm more worried for it now than ever. I will without question be seeing this August. I have to. I just hope Michael Bay doesn't destroy my childhood like most of the buildings and cars in his movies.
What does everyone else think of the trailer? Comment below or e-mail me at poland.ryanj@gmail.com.
-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com
"Death comes for us all, Oroku Saki, but something much worse comes for you. For when you die, it will be...without honor."
-Splinter in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie
Friday, March 21, 2014
Blogpost #2 - Brother
Have you guys seen this video? It's actually pretty awesome. To see such genuine excitement come from an 11 year old finding out he's about to become a big brother is rather touching.
I, myself, am a big brother and quite honestly, at 11 years old, I didn't understand just how important of a position it was. But, it certainly changes you. You can tell by watching that video that this kid is going to try his damnedest to be the best big brother he can be. And, to be totally honest, it won't be easy.
I was only 3 years old when I found out I was going to become a big brother. I can't for the life of me remember being told or even remember him being born, but in my defense, I don't remember what I ate for dinner 20 minutes ago(statistically speaking it was probably a chicken finger). What I do remember is we hated each other's guts.
Alright, maybe we didn't hate each other, but at that age we both probably thought we did. We were at each other's throats most of the time. And I can hear everyone's thoughts now; "Brother's fight. That's part of growing up." Valid point. But when we fought, we fucking fought. Punching, kicking, biting, more nut shots than I care to think about. Hell, sometimes legitimate weaponry.
It's easy to mistake other feelings for hate. In my case, even though I may have thought I hated him when we were younger, I didn't. I love my brother and I know he does, and did, love me. Looking back now at almost 28 years old I realize that my anger towards him came from jealousy. The truth is, as a big brother, you want nothing more than for your little brother to look up to you. You want him to think your a god. I don't remember ever getting that feeling from him. In fact, if anything, I thought I was living in his shadow. And that's a hard pill to swallow. So, I started being kind of a dick to him. There are very few days in our childhood that didn't involve someone crying; It was either me, him, or my mother(who is a saint and never gave up on either of us). We broke bones, broke furniture, and he even put me through a wall once. And this was all well before either one of us were teenagers.
I think it was sometime in high school that I stopped caring. I had this mentality that I didn't need him and he didn't need me. At the same, I noticed him trying more and more to hang out with me and my friends. But I rarely gave him the time of day. Maybe I had that teenage "I'm too cool for you" attitude. My mom and dad kept pushing for me to invite him along and I never would. I remember thinking, "These are my friends. Let him get his own."
When we both were old enough to drink alcohol(or shall we say thought we were old enough to drink alcohol), that's when things started picking up the intensity. Alcohol has tendency to bring out the truth and I don't think either one of us were ready to hear it from the other. I can remember one night pretty vividly. It was after my aunt's wedding and I had to leave early because I had to work the next day. I got home and went to bed and my brother started calling me later that night. He was trying to get a laugh from the people with him, but I didn't see the humor in it. I was pissed. So when he got home, I charged at him. He was a little tipsy, and shoved him as hard as I could, knocking him over. I don't remember too many of the words exchanged, but I do remember saying this; "You're a piece of shit and that's all you'll ever be."
(First of all, when someone is angry, they tend to try to say the meanest thing they can think of at that moment. I don't think my brother is a "piece of shit" at all. But, I was mad and wanted him to know it. Secondly, because of what I said, I don't blame him at all for what happened next...)
My brother has a temper. And when he's mad, God help anyone around him. After I shoved him and said what I said, I turned around and headed back towards my bedroom. Unfortunately, my brother got up. I just remember hearing the stomping foot steps and then I turned around and--WHAM!--I took a fist right upside the head. I think I fell into something, too, because I had a chunk missing from my head and blood pouring everywhere. At this point, my mother took off in a fit, and my dad jumped in between us. We yelled some more and said some stupid shit to each other. I went in the kitchen to try and stop my head from bleeding and my father tended to my brother in the living room. I was still pissed, so as soon as I saw the attention turn away from me, I jumped in my car and took off.
I ended up driving about 20 minutes to a camp that my parents own on a small lake. I thought I could just sleep there for the night, go to work the next day, and just cool off. Well, my mother and I must think alike because as soon as I pulled in the driveway, she was there. We had a LONG conversation that night that was way to emotional to even begin sharing until we both decided it was time to just sleep. Lying in bed, I got a text from my dad asking if I was ok, and I told him I was fine and so was mom and not to worry. About an hour later(about 2 in the morning, mind you) I got another text message; from my brother. He apologized, and so did I. And for the first time that I can remember, he told me he loved me. I told him I loved him too. And, just like that, the fighting was over.
The funny thing about this story is, that's the last time I remember really fighting with my brother. It's been probably 4 years since, and our relationship, I think, is even better. And you could sort of feel it the very next day. We both may have been tired and hungover, but when I got back from work that day, the whole family was at the camp and we spent all day on the lake. Like nothing had even happened. My guess is that last fight got everything out of our system that had been building for years.
Today, I honestly cherish my relationship with my little brother. We both moved out of our parents house and are now neighbors. We visit from time to time and have a beer or two together and things seem really good. Sure, we still have arguments, but nothing like before. I love my brother and would defend him to the end of the earth.
Because of our relationship, I've always been drawn to the way the media portrays relationships in movies and TV. I think that must be why Thor was my favorite one of the Avengers(insert Tony C. fart noise here). That movie, and especially the sequel(Thor: The Dark World), was driven by the relationship existing between Thor and Loki; Two brothers who are completely opposite, but seem to want nothing more that for the other to see them as great. And if you want to see an amazing movie, go buy or rent Warrior starring Joel Edgerton and Tom Hardy. The way these two present their relationship as brothers in this movie has always stuck with me. It was so real to me because I felt like I had experienced what they had experienced(maybe not quite to the extreme that they had, but you get the idea). And Nick Nolte just killed it as their father. It was truly amazing. Perhaps my favorite movie.
So to this young man, I wish you the best of luck. You will undoubtedly be a great big brother. Just always remember you love each other and never give up.
And, to my brother, I love you. Come have a beer.
-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com
"I'm sorry, Tommy! I'm sorry... Tap, Tommy! It's OK! It's OK! I Love You! I Love You Tommy!"
-Brendan Conlon in Warrior
I, myself, am a big brother and quite honestly, at 11 years old, I didn't understand just how important of a position it was. But, it certainly changes you. You can tell by watching that video that this kid is going to try his damnedest to be the best big brother he can be. And, to be totally honest, it won't be easy.
I was only 3 years old when I found out I was going to become a big brother. I can't for the life of me remember being told or even remember him being born, but in my defense, I don't remember what I ate for dinner 20 minutes ago(statistically speaking it was probably a chicken finger). What I do remember is we hated each other's guts.
Alright, maybe we didn't hate each other, but at that age we both probably thought we did. We were at each other's throats most of the time. And I can hear everyone's thoughts now; "Brother's fight. That's part of growing up." Valid point. But when we fought, we fucking fought. Punching, kicking, biting, more nut shots than I care to think about. Hell, sometimes legitimate weaponry.
It's easy to mistake other feelings for hate. In my case, even though I may have thought I hated him when we were younger, I didn't. I love my brother and I know he does, and did, love me. Looking back now at almost 28 years old I realize that my anger towards him came from jealousy. The truth is, as a big brother, you want nothing more than for your little brother to look up to you. You want him to think your a god. I don't remember ever getting that feeling from him. In fact, if anything, I thought I was living in his shadow. And that's a hard pill to swallow. So, I started being kind of a dick to him. There are very few days in our childhood that didn't involve someone crying; It was either me, him, or my mother(who is a saint and never gave up on either of us). We broke bones, broke furniture, and he even put me through a wall once. And this was all well before either one of us were teenagers.
I think it was sometime in high school that I stopped caring. I had this mentality that I didn't need him and he didn't need me. At the same, I noticed him trying more and more to hang out with me and my friends. But I rarely gave him the time of day. Maybe I had that teenage "I'm too cool for you" attitude. My mom and dad kept pushing for me to invite him along and I never would. I remember thinking, "These are my friends. Let him get his own."
When we both were old enough to drink alcohol(or shall we say thought we were old enough to drink alcohol), that's when things started picking up the intensity. Alcohol has tendency to bring out the truth and I don't think either one of us were ready to hear it from the other. I can remember one night pretty vividly. It was after my aunt's wedding and I had to leave early because I had to work the next day. I got home and went to bed and my brother started calling me later that night. He was trying to get a laugh from the people with him, but I didn't see the humor in it. I was pissed. So when he got home, I charged at him. He was a little tipsy, and shoved him as hard as I could, knocking him over. I don't remember too many of the words exchanged, but I do remember saying this; "You're a piece of shit and that's all you'll ever be."
(First of all, when someone is angry, they tend to try to say the meanest thing they can think of at that moment. I don't think my brother is a "piece of shit" at all. But, I was mad and wanted him to know it. Secondly, because of what I said, I don't blame him at all for what happened next...)
My brother has a temper. And when he's mad, God help anyone around him. After I shoved him and said what I said, I turned around and headed back towards my bedroom. Unfortunately, my brother got up. I just remember hearing the stomping foot steps and then I turned around and--WHAM!--I took a fist right upside the head. I think I fell into something, too, because I had a chunk missing from my head and blood pouring everywhere. At this point, my mother took off in a fit, and my dad jumped in between us. We yelled some more and said some stupid shit to each other. I went in the kitchen to try and stop my head from bleeding and my father tended to my brother in the living room. I was still pissed, so as soon as I saw the attention turn away from me, I jumped in my car and took off.
I ended up driving about 20 minutes to a camp that my parents own on a small lake. I thought I could just sleep there for the night, go to work the next day, and just cool off. Well, my mother and I must think alike because as soon as I pulled in the driveway, she was there. We had a LONG conversation that night that was way to emotional to even begin sharing until we both decided it was time to just sleep. Lying in bed, I got a text from my dad asking if I was ok, and I told him I was fine and so was mom and not to worry. About an hour later(about 2 in the morning, mind you) I got another text message; from my brother. He apologized, and so did I. And for the first time that I can remember, he told me he loved me. I told him I loved him too. And, just like that, the fighting was over.
The funny thing about this story is, that's the last time I remember really fighting with my brother. It's been probably 4 years since, and our relationship, I think, is even better. And you could sort of feel it the very next day. We both may have been tired and hungover, but when I got back from work that day, the whole family was at the camp and we spent all day on the lake. Like nothing had even happened. My guess is that last fight got everything out of our system that had been building for years.
Today, I honestly cherish my relationship with my little brother. We both moved out of our parents house and are now neighbors. We visit from time to time and have a beer or two together and things seem really good. Sure, we still have arguments, but nothing like before. I love my brother and would defend him to the end of the earth.
Because of our relationship, I've always been drawn to the way the media portrays relationships in movies and TV. I think that must be why Thor was my favorite one of the Avengers(insert Tony C. fart noise here). That movie, and especially the sequel(Thor: The Dark World), was driven by the relationship existing between Thor and Loki; Two brothers who are completely opposite, but seem to want nothing more that for the other to see them as great. And if you want to see an amazing movie, go buy or rent Warrior starring Joel Edgerton and Tom Hardy. The way these two present their relationship as brothers in this movie has always stuck with me. It was so real to me because I felt like I had experienced what they had experienced(maybe not quite to the extreme that they had, but you get the idea). And Nick Nolte just killed it as their father. It was truly amazing. Perhaps my favorite movie.
So to this young man, I wish you the best of luck. You will undoubtedly be a great big brother. Just always remember you love each other and never give up.
And, to my brother, I love you. Come have a beer.
-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com
"I'm sorry, Tommy! I'm sorry... Tap, Tommy! It's OK! It's OK! I Love You! I Love You Tommy!"
-Brendan Conlon in Warrior
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Blogpost #1 - Introduction
Greetings.
My name is Ryan Poland and you more than likely recognize my name from the podcast Drink'n Think'n(does that sound douchey?). Well, if you don't, it's basically a podcast where my buddies Ben, Tony C. and I drink beer and talk about whatever inappropriate or immature topic is on our brains at the moment of recording. Sometimes we have guests and put a decent amount of effort(decent for us anyways) into the show, but for the most part, we tend to just set up the microphones and wing it. And, in most cases, the beer dulls the brain and we forget things. Which brings me to why I'm here...
I've decided I need a second outlet to get my thoughts out. My brain tends to be filled with random thoughts throughout the day(mostly when I'm on the toilet) and I don't always get the chance to fit them into our episodes. Sometimes it's about pop culture, sometimes sports(expect a lot of WWE posts), sometimes pooping(most of the time pooping), there really isn't an exact topic that I can put this blog under; it's everything. Everything my brain creates. I wouldn't necessarily say it's important stuff, but it's stuff that I need to get out.
So, I hope if you read a future post from me that you at least get a little enjoyment from it. Maybe a chuckle here and there. And please feel free to e-mail me at poland.ryanj@gmail.com. Ask me questions, critique my posts or even episodes of Drink'n Think'n which you can find at www.drinknthinkn.com, hell, e-mail me to tell me I'm an asshole; I don't mind. I just want the chance to connect with my fans(ok, that does sound douchey).
Again, my name is Ryan Poland, you can find me on twitter @TheRyanPoland or follow Drink'n Think'n @drinknthinkn and I, of course, would like to remind you to drink and think.
-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com
"In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre: 'Au revoir, gopher'."
-Carl Spackler in Caddyshack
My name is Ryan Poland and you more than likely recognize my name from the podcast Drink'n Think'n(does that sound douchey?). Well, if you don't, it's basically a podcast where my buddies Ben, Tony C. and I drink beer and talk about whatever inappropriate or immature topic is on our brains at the moment of recording. Sometimes we have guests and put a decent amount of effort(decent for us anyways) into the show, but for the most part, we tend to just set up the microphones and wing it. And, in most cases, the beer dulls the brain and we forget things. Which brings me to why I'm here...
I've decided I need a second outlet to get my thoughts out. My brain tends to be filled with random thoughts throughout the day(mostly when I'm on the toilet) and I don't always get the chance to fit them into our episodes. Sometimes it's about pop culture, sometimes sports(expect a lot of WWE posts), sometimes pooping(most of the time pooping), there really isn't an exact topic that I can put this blog under; it's everything. Everything my brain creates. I wouldn't necessarily say it's important stuff, but it's stuff that I need to get out.
So, I hope if you read a future post from me that you at least get a little enjoyment from it. Maybe a chuckle here and there. And please feel free to e-mail me at poland.ryanj@gmail.com. Ask me questions, critique my posts or even episodes of Drink'n Think'n which you can find at www.drinknthinkn.com, hell, e-mail me to tell me I'm an asshole; I don't mind. I just want the chance to connect with my fans(ok, that does sound douchey).
Again, my name is Ryan Poland, you can find me on twitter @TheRyanPoland or follow Drink'n Think'n @drinknthinkn and I, of course, would like to remind you to drink and think.
-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com
"In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre: 'Au revoir, gopher'."
-Carl Spackler in Caddyshack
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