Blogpost #4 - When I Grow Up...

My name is Ryan Poland, but you probably know me by my ring name Jason White. During college, I trained at the Wild Samoan Training Center in Florida under the tutelage of Afa, the Wild Samoan. At 22 years old, I made my debut on WWE Smackdown in 2008 in a dark match against Mark Henry. It was what you would call a "squash match". I got my ass handed to me on a silver platter. 4 months later, I made my live television debut in a match against Christian. I lost that match as well, but I at least got some offensive moves in. The match lasted 12 minutes. Week after week, I had match after match. At first, losing most. But then I won one match. And then two. And before I knew it I was on a winning streak. Fast forward another year, I'm the Intercontinental Champion. And the crowd seems to like me. I worked a program with Chris Jericho in 2009 and had some of my favorite matches. Ultimately, he beat me for the title. But that was fine. I wanted bigger. I challenged Randy Orton for the WWE Championship. He turned me down at first, so I had to play some head games. In the end, we had a match at Summer Slam and I won my first WWE Championship. But that wasn't my crowning achievement. At Wrestlemania 19, I squared off against a man whom I idolized; Stone Cole Steve Austin. We went 30 minutes in what was said to be one of the greatest Wrestlemania matches of all time. And, I won. Nobody knew, including me, that this would be Stone Cold's last match in WWE. It was an honor...

No wait, I got it now...

My name is Ryan Poland, but you probably know me by James Ryan. I got my start doing 5 minute stand-up sets at local open mic nights. A few laughs here and there, but nothing really to brag about. After college, I moved to LA. I started showing up at the Improv just hoping someone would no-show and give me the opportunity to perform. One summer night, I got my wish. It was brutal. I was booed off stage faster than anyone in history. But I stayed and watched all the other acts perform, hoping to learn something. I studied everyone that stood on that stage and got a laugh. And I kept going back night after night until finally, another no-show. The manager was pretty hesitant to put me on stage again, but his back was up against a wall. He told me this was my last chance. One "boo", and I was out for good. I went up there and killed. I thought one guy in the front row was going to have a heart attack from laughing so hard. I became a regular there, performing 15 to 20 minutes almost every night. Then, I got offered my first comedy role in a movie. A small part, but definitely good exposure. Next thing I know, I'm the lead in a comedy movie. I'm starring in movies alongside guys like Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler. But I still wanted to expand my resumé. I tried my hand at a dramatic picture. My fans were a little thrown by it, but ultimately, I was happy with the outcome. So I tried it again and blew the minds of everyone. I got the call the very next week. I had been nominated for an Oscar.

Hold it, let's try this...

My name is Raphael. I am cool, but rude. I spend my nights protecting the city with my three brothers and I spend the days training with my father, who technically isn't really my father. He's more like a mentor. I don't handle authority well. I've gotten my brothers and my friend April into numerous tight spots due to my hot temper, but we always end up ok. My father seems to think that society won't accept us, but April seems to like us. And so does our buddy, Casey. I am a master in the art of ninja. The only way you can see me, is if I want you to see me. I live in an old subway station underground that we found one day while walking through the sewers. It's an alright place, but the pizza delivery guy has a hard time finding it. I've battle more Foot soldiers than I care to remember, but it was Oroku Saki who was the real threat. And we took him out, too. Old Shred' did a swan dive, with a half gainer, right into the back of a garbage truck. There will be more threats, no doubt. But, we'll be ready for them. We always are.

One of these should work.

-Ryan
www.drinknthink.com


"What we do in life echoes in eternity."
-Maximus from Gladiator

Blogpost #3 - TMNT

Alright, it's finally here...

We are in the era of remakes and reboots and sequels(oh my), and nothing is sacred to these makers of movies. Well, let me tell you something; The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are fucking sacred.

Let me be clear; I'm not one of those people that gets all pissy and hates it when something I liked as a child gets remade. I actually quite enjoy it. I was excited when the new Nightmare on Elm Street came out(although a tad disappointed with the end result) and I actually think it's a great time to remake a lot of these older horror movies because of how far technology has come. And, when something you love gets remade, it bring back all those memories and nostalgia.

I can't tell you how many VHS tapes I have of the Ninja Turtles that are worn down because of how many times I've watched them. It's embarrassing how many action figures(not dolls) I have of those heroes in a half shell that I absolutely refuse to throw away(yes, I'm 27 years old). I was, and always will be, a huge TMNT fan.

I remember when the most recent animated movie came out in 2007. I was in college and went to see it with my roommate. And, I must admit, I quite enjoyed it. I mean, it was nothing compared to the live action, animatronic creatures from the Jim Henson workshop or the crappily animated series I watched as a kid where sometimes the color of the bandanas were wrong on the turtles and sometimes the talking didn't match with their mouths, but it was definitely a good movie.

When Nickelodeon started airing the new animated series, I got a bit nervous. I would probably compare the feeling I had to when Disney started making new episodes of "Doug". It was like a small morsel of excitement covered in creamy nervousness. Because the one thing you never want to see is something that meant so much to you as a child ruined for a new generation. And then today, this gem was birthed out onto the internet...

I haven't seen the movie yet so therefore I haven't made up my mind, but I am severely worried. The trailer leaves a lot to be desired and it looks as though it truly will be an entirely new crime fighting foursome(ew) than the one I'm used to. Honestly, I don't mind change when it comes to stuff like this(except for that whole alien nonsense that we all read about when the film was first discussed). It appears as though the Shredder, played by William Fichtner(whom I actually like, by the way) is somewhat responsible for the, shall we say, creation of the turtles. I don't mind this tweak. If anything, it gives the Shredder more motive to become the bad guy. I'm still not sure how I feel about him not being Japanese, but we'll see how it goes.

In another odd twist, the Shredder used to work with the father of April O'Neil(every time I hear this name all I can think of is the very racist sounding foot soldier from the original movie referring to her as Ms. O'Neir). This too is okay with me. These two changes I think should tie the story together nicely.

Their new look? Meh, I'm still not sure. Megan Fox as April? Meh, I'm not sold on it. Also, no Splinter in the trailer? This intrigues(yet still worries) me.

The trailer has it's ups and downs and unfortunately I'm more worried for it now than ever. I will without question be seeing this August. I have to. I just hope Michael Bay doesn't destroy my childhood like most of the buildings and cars in his movies.

What does everyone else think of the trailer? Comment below or e-mail me at poland.ryanj@gmail.com.

-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com


"Death comes for us all, Oroku Saki, but something much worse comes for you. For when you die, it will be...without honor."
-Splinter in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie