Blogpost #5 - When I Grow Up 2: The Secret of the Ooze

My last post was somewhat of a far fetched bucket list of things I wanted to accomplish in my life at various different ages and stages(watch your back Dr. Seuss). But, the truth is, all those ideas were real to me at one point. I can honestly remember having those thoughts as a younger person and thinking the world was my oyster. Why can't I be a Ninja Turtle? I've got the body type for it, I look like an oversized turtle. My karate skills might need some work(I'm probably some sort of citrus colored belt if I had to guess), but I could totally do it. Why can't I be a professional wrestler? Mick Foley isn't a jacked up genetic freak and he was one of the greatest of all time. And, why can't I be a comedic actor? I'm funny. I make people laugh(my mom always told me they were laughing with me, not at me).

Here I am. Almost 28 years old and still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. The sad thing is, I still want to be all those things I wanted to be when I was 8. I may have grown up (and out) physically, but mentally, I'm still an 8 year old kid who wants to fight bad guys and be a superhero.

I thought the older I got, the more realistic my goals would get, but that's not really the case. Yes, I realize it is physically impossible for me to be a Ninja Turtle. I get it. But can you honestly look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn't want to be one?

Let's look at reality; I have a job. I have a house payment and various other bills and I'm able to pay for all these things because of my job. I am unbelievably grateful for that and I thank God for all that I have. But there's this piece of me that yearns for something different. I've lost that sense of feeling like anything is possible.

I lay in bed every morning for about 15 minutes dreading the thought of getting up and going to work. Thinking that there has to be something else for me to do in the world. "What I'd really like to do is something extraordinary. Something big. Something mega. Something copious. Something capacious. Something cajunga!"

I was watching a documentary with dad tonight on the Russian Yeti on the Discovery channel. For a minute, I went right back to my 8 year frame of mind. I thought, how cool would it be to become a professional Yeti hunter? I could quit my job, sell my house, invest in various different cameras and equipment for locating this mysterious beast, buy some weaponry to protect myself and just travel to all the locations where there have been supposed Yeti sightings. I could be like the Bear Grylls of mythical creatures, surviving the snowy tundras as I search for what has never been found. But once the documentary was over, I realized it was getting late and I should probably go home and go to bed so I'm not cranky at work tomorrow. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't see anything wrong with having dreams that other people deem impossible. I don't care what people say. Some day, I will be a Ninja Turtle. 

-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com



"Every day I come by your house and I pick you up. And we go out. We have a few drinks, and a few laughs, and it's great. But you know what the best part of my day is? For about ten seconds, from when I pull up to the curb and when I get to your door, 'cause I think, maybe I'll get up there and I'll knock on the door and you won't be there. No goodbye. No see you later. No nothing. You just left. I don't know much, but I know that."
-Chuckie from Good Will Hunting

Blogpost #4 - When I Grow Up...

My name is Ryan Poland, but you probably know me by my ring name Jason White. During college, I trained at the Wild Samoan Training Center in Florida under the tutelage of Afa, the Wild Samoan. At 22 years old, I made my debut on WWE Smackdown in 2008 in a dark match against Mark Henry. It was what you would call a "squash match". I got my ass handed to me on a silver platter. 4 months later, I made my live television debut in a match against Christian. I lost that match as well, but I at least got some offensive moves in. The match lasted 12 minutes. Week after week, I had match after match. At first, losing most. But then I won one match. And then two. And before I knew it I was on a winning streak. Fast forward another year, I'm the Intercontinental Champion. And the crowd seems to like me. I worked a program with Chris Jericho in 2009 and had some of my favorite matches. Ultimately, he beat me for the title. But that was fine. I wanted bigger. I challenged Randy Orton for the WWE Championship. He turned me down at first, so I had to play some head games. In the end, we had a match at Summer Slam and I won my first WWE Championship. But that wasn't my crowning achievement. At Wrestlemania 19, I squared off against a man whom I idolized; Stone Cole Steve Austin. We went 30 minutes in what was said to be one of the greatest Wrestlemania matches of all time. And, I won. Nobody knew, including me, that this would be Stone Cold's last match in WWE. It was an honor...

No wait, I got it now...

My name is Ryan Poland, but you probably know me by James Ryan. I got my start doing 5 minute stand-up sets at local open mic nights. A few laughs here and there, but nothing really to brag about. After college, I moved to LA. I started showing up at the Improv just hoping someone would no-show and give me the opportunity to perform. One summer night, I got my wish. It was brutal. I was booed off stage faster than anyone in history. But I stayed and watched all the other acts perform, hoping to learn something. I studied everyone that stood on that stage and got a laugh. And I kept going back night after night until finally, another no-show. The manager was pretty hesitant to put me on stage again, but his back was up against a wall. He told me this was my last chance. One "boo", and I was out for good. I went up there and killed. I thought one guy in the front row was going to have a heart attack from laughing so hard. I became a regular there, performing 15 to 20 minutes almost every night. Then, I got offered my first comedy role in a movie. A small part, but definitely good exposure. Next thing I know, I'm the lead in a comedy movie. I'm starring in movies alongside guys like Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler. But I still wanted to expand my resumé. I tried my hand at a dramatic picture. My fans were a little thrown by it, but ultimately, I was happy with the outcome. So I tried it again and blew the minds of everyone. I got the call the very next week. I had been nominated for an Oscar.

Hold it, let's try this...

My name is Raphael. I am cool, but rude. I spend my nights protecting the city with my three brothers and I spend the days training with my father, who technically isn't really my father. He's more like a mentor. I don't handle authority well. I've gotten my brothers and my friend April into numerous tight spots due to my hot temper, but we always end up ok. My father seems to think that society won't accept us, but April seems to like us. And so does our buddy, Casey. I am a master in the art of ninja. The only way you can see me, is if I want you to see me. I live in an old subway station underground that we found one day while walking through the sewers. It's an alright place, but the pizza delivery guy has a hard time finding it. I've battle more Foot soldiers than I care to remember, but it was Oroku Saki who was the real threat. And we took him out, too. Old Shred' did a swan dive, with a half gainer, right into the back of a garbage truck. There will be more threats, no doubt. But, we'll be ready for them. We always are.

One of these should work.

-Ryan
www.drinknthink.com


"What we do in life echoes in eternity."
-Maximus from Gladiator