Today is January 1st, 2015. It's a day to be reflective. Millions of people spent last night talking about 2014. And, depending on who you ask, it was either the best year of their life, or the shittiest. I don't think it's fair to classify an entire year as good or bad. There are 365 days in 2014. Each day has a different feeling, a different memory. Some I'll remember forever, some I wish I could forgot, but either way, I can't judge an entire year based on one memory. Let's look back...
I've always been deemed a pessimist so why not start with the bad; I got dumped. Everybody goes through it at some point in their life, some more times than others. Unfortunately, love is a part of life. When the object of your love is taken away it hurts. There's no denying it. I got dumped by someone who I had planned on asking to marry me. Had it all planned out, was even saving up for a ring. And I've heard every cliche since the break up. "She doesn't deserve you", "there are more fish in the sea", "there's someone out there for everyone and you'll find your someone when you least expect it." All these sayings come from a kind place, but that's all they are; sayings. They don't mean anything to me. All I wanted was for someone to tell me that it was ok to be pissed off and I should be upset. I love my friends and family to death, but unfortunately I don't feel comfortable talking to them about this stuff anymore because I never feel good about myself afterwards. Maybe that's my fault.
The good; I got a puppy for Christmas. Since I built my house a few years ago, I've wanted a dog. I just never pulled the trigger on it because I was worried I might not be able to handle it. Plus, I live alone and I knew it would be my responsibility to take care of it. I knew I was getting the dog for awhile, just not for Christmas. When I looked into that puppy's eyes on Christmas morning, I wanted to cry. It was without a doubt my happiest moment of 2014 and the love I already have for him is almost unbearable.
The bad; I turned 28. Although this is a minimally painful moment in my life, it still ranks up there in the bad category. I'm so close to 30 and I feel like I haven't accomplished the things I wanted to accomplish. No wife, no kids, no idea of what I want to do career-wise. When I was 14, I had it in my mind that all these things would happen in my early 20's. Making plans has always been a problem for me because plans always seem to have a way of changing. I see that now more than ever.
The good; I found out I'm going to be an uncle. My younger brother and his girlfriend found out this year that they are having a little girl. I'm beyond excited for him because I've never seen him happier. I always worried he wouldn't find his way in life, but he has his shit together. I know he'll be a good father and I know his girlfriend loves him. I can't wait to meet my little niece.
The bad; I found out I'm going to be an uncle. It pains me to classify this moment as both good and bad, but I've got to get this off my chest; I'm beyond jealous. My brother is four years younger than me and he's getting all the things out of life that I've always wanted. I would never tell him this because it's not supposed to be about me and I feel like a dickhead for even remotely feeling this way. But I can't control my feelings. Believe me, if I could, I would change a lot of them. I won't be the guy who took this happy moment away from my brother. No matter how fucked up my head feels.
The good; I started doing yoga. I felt so good about myself during a time when I needed it most. My body felt better, my mind felt better. Yoga really does work and I wouldn't have thought it did unless I tried.
The bad; I stopped doing yoga. I have a tendency of not following through on things. I'm working on that for 2015.
The good; I'm still alive. That may not seem like much of an accomplishment, but trust me when I say it is. I'm happy to be alive, whether I've had a good year or not, and I'll continue to survive through good and bad days in 2015.
-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com
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