Entry #3

I miss feeling excited about things. The older you get, the more it seems like everything loses that "something special" that made you look forward to it whenever it happened. Like Christmas. When you're young, you count down the days until Christmas with that overpowering curiosity of what St. Nick will give you this year. But as a 28 year old single man with no kids, I just realized today that Christmas is already next week. I do love Christmas; the food, the gatherings. It truly is a wonderful day and I have no doubt that I will enjoy every second of it alongside my friends and family. But that feeling of excitement I used to get shortly after my October birthday knowing that Christmas was a mere two months away has been absent for years.

When you're a kid, you get excited about the simplest things. I remember being so excited to go to a Chinese food restaurant because that meant I got read my Chinese animal zodiac on the place mat. Or going to visit my great-grandmother at the end of the street because she always had a bowl of those strawberry flavored hard candies in the back room of her house. Even in high school, I'd get excited to go to a certain class because maybe the hot girl, who I had a crush on, would say "hi" to me again like she did last Tuesday.

I recently ended a relationship with someone who essentially told me I lack ambition. I took it to heart--as I do most things that are even remotely critical of my way of life--and tried my best to defend myself. But since then I've been asking myself what I want to do with my life almost daily and I still can't answer it.

I'm not a parent. And, in all honesty, I may never become one. However, I am surrounded by parents so I've seen my fair share of parenting styles. The one common trend I see within most of these styles is that every parent tells their kids they can be anything they want to be when they grow up. It is a parents' job to insure their children that their future is bright and free of sadness or harm. If I had kids, I would do the same thing; give them hope. Because every child deserves to believe that they can accomplish whatever they want and be excited about the future that's in front of them. My parents told me I could be anything and I believed them. And I was so excited for my future. I was going to be a professional wrestler, or a comedian, or the drummer of a rock band. I miss that feeling. That feeling of knowing that your future is ahead of you and it's a bright one.

I believe that most people at one point in their lives have to give up on some dreams. I mean, let's face it; some kids want to grow up to be Batman and I've yet to see a single person strolling down the streets with a rubber suit and a utility belt. I do worry that I gave up on my dreams too early and now it's too late to do what makes me happy. And, I don't even know what it is that would make me happy anymore.

I get made fun of quite a bit for acting like an old man, but the truth is I feel like I don't have all that much time left to figure out what I want. And, I worry that by the time I do figure out what I want, it'll be too late.

What do I want to be when I grow up? I don't know.

-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com

Entry #1

Time is an incredibly wonderful, yet nauseatingly awful part of all of our lives. Some of us are blessed with an abundance of time, while other people's "to-do list" only gets longer as time races by like a cheetah on the hunt. Where does it go? And, why do we never have enough?

I find myself, these days, looking for the time to do the things I want, but only finding the time to do the things I need. That's not meant to be a complaint. It's more of an observation. I'd like to be able to record a podcast every weekend or write a blogpost once a week, but before I know it I'm consumed with things that are deemed "more important", when in my heart of hearts I'd rather be drinking an ice cold beer with Ben Lizzotte and Tony C. And, I'd put money on those two having the same dilemma. Should I sit down for an hour and laugh at butthole jokes while drinking beer with my buddies or should I sit down and balance my checkbook to make sure I can pay all the bills this month over a glass of chardonnay?

I feel it's important to make time for yourself. This blog is more than just me trying to be funny and getting people to read my writing; It's therapy. But, if in my mind I view it as a job that has to be done every Sunday night, I'm not going to do it. So, when do I make time to write?

It dawned on me a couple of weeks ago that the majority of the time, I come up with things I'd like to write about while sitting on the toilet. Because when I'm perched upon my throne, paying homage to the porcelain gods below, I have all of the time in the world. I'm not hurrying to get it done, I'm not thinking about everything else I have to do, I'm simply relaxing and letting my mind wander through any topic it wants.

**Pause for courtesy flush**

I feel like I should point out that this blog, which is being rebranded as "The Diarrhea Diaries", is not meant to be about poop. I mean, when you think about it, other than color, consistency, and that blissful feeling of relief that comes with dropping a deuce, what else is there really to talk about? Simply put, this blog is now being written entirely from my toilet. That may disgust some people, but I don't really care. This is my therapy and I'll do things my way. Plus, I once read an exhilarating book that informed me that everyone poops. So, it's not that weird to talk about.

As I sit here, I will write everything that crosses my mind on my yellow legal pad and transcribe it all onto my computer. Granted, pooping may come up from time to time, but let's be adults about it. Sometimes while I do my business, I think about TV and movies, other times I think about life in general. Like I said, when I'm here doing the do(do), my mind is free and clear to wander and anything else can wait.

Drink'n Think'n appears to be back in full swing, so we hope to have new content for our "fans" every week and so long as I don't run out of paper...

**Got nervous and double-checked to make sure there was toilet paper. There was.**

... I should have new blog material hopefully every weekend(Let me be clear that I do use the bathroom more than once every weekend, but let's be realistic. Not all my thoughts while "on the job" are keepers).

Here's to finding time. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time to wipe...

-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com

Blogpost #5 - When I Grow Up 2: The Secret of the Ooze

My last post was somewhat of a far fetched bucket list of things I wanted to accomplish in my life at various different ages and stages(watch your back Dr. Seuss). But, the truth is, all those ideas were real to me at one point. I can honestly remember having those thoughts as a younger person and thinking the world was my oyster. Why can't I be a Ninja Turtle? I've got the body type for it, I look like an oversized turtle. My karate skills might need some work(I'm probably some sort of citrus colored belt if I had to guess), but I could totally do it. Why can't I be a professional wrestler? Mick Foley isn't a jacked up genetic freak and he was one of the greatest of all time. And, why can't I be a comedic actor? I'm funny. I make people laugh(my mom always told me they were laughing with me, not at me).

Here I am. Almost 28 years old and still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. The sad thing is, I still want to be all those things I wanted to be when I was 8. I may have grown up (and out) physically, but mentally, I'm still an 8 year old kid who wants to fight bad guys and be a superhero.

I thought the older I got, the more realistic my goals would get, but that's not really the case. Yes, I realize it is physically impossible for me to be a Ninja Turtle. I get it. But can you honestly look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn't want to be one?

Let's look at reality; I have a job. I have a house payment and various other bills and I'm able to pay for all these things because of my job. I am unbelievably grateful for that and I thank God for all that I have. But there's this piece of me that yearns for something different. I've lost that sense of feeling like anything is possible.

I lay in bed every morning for about 15 minutes dreading the thought of getting up and going to work. Thinking that there has to be something else for me to do in the world. "What I'd really like to do is something extraordinary. Something big. Something mega. Something copious. Something capacious. Something cajunga!"

I was watching a documentary with dad tonight on the Russian Yeti on the Discovery channel. For a minute, I went right back to my 8 year frame of mind. I thought, how cool would it be to become a professional Yeti hunter? I could quit my job, sell my house, invest in various different cameras and equipment for locating this mysterious beast, buy some weaponry to protect myself and just travel to all the locations where there have been supposed Yeti sightings. I could be like the Bear Grylls of mythical creatures, surviving the snowy tundras as I search for what has never been found. But once the documentary was over, I realized it was getting late and I should probably go home and go to bed so I'm not cranky at work tomorrow. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't see anything wrong with having dreams that other people deem impossible. I don't care what people say. Some day, I will be a Ninja Turtle. 

-Ryan
www.drinknthinkn.com



"Every day I come by your house and I pick you up. And we go out. We have a few drinks, and a few laughs, and it's great. But you know what the best part of my day is? For about ten seconds, from when I pull up to the curb and when I get to your door, 'cause I think, maybe I'll get up there and I'll knock on the door and you won't be there. No goodbye. No see you later. No nothing. You just left. I don't know much, but I know that."
-Chuckie from Good Will Hunting